Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
