I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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