my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
