I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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