OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize