i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize