I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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