How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
