margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
