So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
BRING THE BAGELS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
