I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
