i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
