Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
handjob tips. give me some.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
