I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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