who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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