The maid of honor just puked.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
should my penis look like a turkey
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
