I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
