Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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