Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
