Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize