shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
