Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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