What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
