Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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