the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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