Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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