I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
