Will you blow on my dice?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
