I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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