my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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