you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
