my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
