Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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