Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
