Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
