I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
