im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
