just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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