If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
