Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
