It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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