brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
4 words: hood of his car
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
