Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
