cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
