Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
