I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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