i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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