I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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