I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
