its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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