I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
