Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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