i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
