he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize