Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is the high leading the old right now
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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