Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
