THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Did I show you my penis last night?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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