Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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