i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
