During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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