All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
