dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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