this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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