I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
